Crossing Bridges
by embrace-the-deception
Summary: For KlainebowKlisses. One is leaving and one is being left behind. 'We'll cross that bridge when we come to it'. Now here they were and he was baulking at that bridge like it was on fire. T for slight language, etc. TWOSHOT with two alternate endings.
1. Crossing Bridges

**A twoshot for the lovely KlainebowKlisses for being the 200th reviewer on my Niff fic Just Friends. **

_**i have an idea where one of them is leaving for a couple of years to go to war or something, and theyre saying goodbye**_

**I actually had far too much fun writing this :) Hope you like it!**

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><p>He would replay that day a thousand times in his head when he was alone. Every single second of that day was committed to his memory, never to be forgotten in his darker moments of fear and despair. In times when depression would grip him tighter and seem to squeeze the air right out his chest, Jeff would hide away and just remember everything that had happened that day. He wouldn't let himself think about where Nick was now – that was too painful. No, he would just sit and recall the smallest details about that one day. The last day they'd had that wasn't entirely tainted. Together.<p>

And the clearest part of his memory of that day was the coldness.

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><p>It was winter, a cold and freezing early morning that would have kept most people inside. Most sensible people. There was a thin coating of snow on the ground, crunching slightly under booted feet. The only place Jeff wanted to be was back at their shared apartment, shitty as it was, still asleep or just curled up under the covers with Nick in his arms. Warm. Comfortable. Quiet. Together. Any other Saturday morning, that was where they would be. Not this Saturday morning though. And not for a lot of Saturday mornings to come.<p>

He wanted to say something but he knew if he did that it wouldn't come out right. Not when he was so close to crying. And as pathetic as that sounded, Jeff had known all along that he was going to cry – he just didn't want to. Neither had ever wanted to be the cause for the other's upset, but in this case it had always been inevitable. From the moment they'd met Jeff had known two things for certain.

One.

He was going to fall in love with this gorgeous, sexy brunette with the sparkling dark eyes and the infectious laugh, the ridiculous sense of humour and the quirky smile.

Two.

This boy was going to make him cry and leave him heartbroken.

So far Nick was two for two. It hadn't taken long for Jeff to fall in love with him, even though he'd been sure it would end badly. But by the time he realised why this was all going to end in a mess, it was too late – he was in too deep. And even though Nick had tried to stop him, tried to push him away and had warned him how this was going to end, Jeff couldn't stay away.

Which was why he was here now, walking through the cold snow on this freezing Saturday morning arm in arm with his boyfriend of six months, in silence, wishing they could be anywhere else but here. Not here, not now.

He didn't know how he was going to cope with this. When Nick had told him this might happen Jeff had dismissed it. It wouldn't happen, he thought. And now it had – it was right in front of him now and he couldn't ignore it any longer. It was starting to hurt, the pain in his chest raw and constricting. If it hurt this much before Nick was even gone, how was he going to cope down the track?

Nick stopped just outside the doors to the airport. A bag was slung over his shoulder while his other arm remained linked with Jeff's. The brunette twisted a little to face his boyfriend, hold slipping until they were separated and Jeff standing a pace away, staring at the ground because he couldn't bring himself to look up.

"I warned you," Nick said softly, and there was no judgement or malice in his voice – it was just a quiet statement of the facts.

"It doesn't make it hurt any less."

"You should have just backed off. At least then you wouldn't be going through this – I never wanted to put you through this sort of pain. I know exactly what it's like, waiting for someone to come home. I had to go through that with my dad all my life," Nick said, reaching out to brush Jeff's fringe away gently "I didn't want you to be the one who has to open the door and find out I'm…"

"Don't die," Jeff said suddenly, looking up to face the brunette. They stared at each other for a moment. Tears started to pool in Jeff's eyes and he blinked them away furiously as Nick put what the blonde supposed was a comforting hand on his shoulder, a look of sadness on his face.

"God, Jeff, I wish I could promise that. I wish I didn't have to go. But I do and I will do everything I can to make sure I don't die."

Jeff just nodded blankly, head too far away in memories to really hear what his boyfriend was saying.

_He slammed the door shut before Nick could leave, facing him in anger, "Why are you pushing me away? What aren't you telling me?"_

_"Jeff, just let it go!" Nick shouted "Let_ me _go! I am not going to put you through this!"_

_"Through what?" Jeff frowned, still confused "Nick, I have no idea what you're talking about. Please, just tell me. Why are you leaving me? I thought…"_

_He trailed off for a moment, voice hitching when he spoke again, "I thought you loved me."_

_The brunette swore and ran a hand through his hair, kicking the wall before leaning his hands against it, holding up his weight as he sighed quietly. Jeff could see he was fighting something and trying not to cry. When Nick spoke again it was low and hesitant, voice trembling._

_"I… I can't_ do _this, Jeff. I can't fall in love with you, I can't let you fall in love with me, and I know it's too goddamn late, but I _can't_…"_

_"What's_ wrong_?" the blonde moved a little closer and when he put a tentative hand on Nick's shoulder, the other collapsed into him, pulling them both to the floor of their rented apartment. The brunette's head rested on the other's shoulder, shaking._

_"I could be called up any time," Nick mumbled "Anything could happen…"_

_"Military?" Jeff asked quietly "You're in the…"_

_"Yeah. That's why I can't do this. I can't hurt you."_

_"You can't hide away from the world – from _me_ – just because you're afraid you'll hurt someone. That's what love is all about – throwing yourself out there and doing your best. I _love _you, Nick, and don't think this is going to stop me."_

_"What happens when I have to go?" Nick asked, lifting his head to look Jeff in the eye "What happens then?"_

_"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it."_

Now here they were and he was baulking at that bridge like it was on fire. Jeff was rushed back to the present as Nick wrapped his arms around him and held him tightly, already shaking and they both knew it wasn't from cold, even if that's what they would say if someone asked.

"I should never have led you on," Nick muttered into his boyfriend's shoulder "Made us both think we could make this work..."

Jeff pulled back and took the other's head in his hands, making sure he was listening and focused on him before speaking quietly.

"Do you love me?"

"Of course."

"Have we made it work so far?"

"Yes, but Jeff-"

He was cut off by Jeff leaning in and kissing his cold, chapped lips. Both of them moved back after a few seconds – not only because they were in a small, homophobic, Ohio town, but because they knew they wouldn't be able to stop if they continued. They stared at each other for a while, silent because they couldn't really find the words for what they wanted to say.

"Don't _ever_ regret us," Jeff whispered "_Ever_."

"I don't." Nick managed to smile "But I have no idea how long I'll be gone. It could be a long time, Jeff."

"Don't. Don't you dare do this to me. You are going to go out there, and you're going to fight, and then you're going to come back and I am going to be right here, waiting for you. Don't even try to tell me anything else. Just believe it." Jeff's voice shook and he spoke fast to get all the words out before he just broke down in a sobbing mess because _his boyfriend was leaving and he might not come back _but there was still a tremor that he couldn't hide. Not that he bothered to try. He needed Nick to believe in that future because if he didn't then Jeff didn't know if he could believe in it either.

The brunette was quiet for a moment. Jeff stared at him, eyes pleading.

"Please."

"I can believe that," Nick smiled hesitantly, kissing his forehead.

He glanced down at his watch as he stepped back, hitching his bag further up over his shoulder with a sad smile.

"I have to go."

A beat.

"Goodb-"

"I'll see you later," Jeff interrupted.

Nick smiled, "See you then. I'll write, I promise."

"I love you."

The brunette backed up into the doors, pushing them open. A second before he disappeared he nodded and spoke.

"Love you too."

And then he was gone.

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><p>Three months now. And still he replayed that moment in his head, over and over as if to torture himself. The others didn't understand why he did it; why he shut himself out from the rest of the world sometimes, locked himself in his apartment – his shared apartment still – and subjected himself to that memory when it hurt him so much. They didn't understand that it helped. It was a reminder of everything they had to live for, a promise of what they could do when Nick returned. It helped him believe in that future he'd come up with, the one he was desperately waiting on, where everything would be okay.<p>

It hurt, but it forced him to believe, and that was what he needed.

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><p><strong>This is actually a twoshot but with two different, alternate endings. The first is the ending I was asked for, and the second is the one I had in mind when I wrote the first part. <strong>

**Please review!**


	2. Ending One  Return

**I was asked to continue this so I did :) However, the ending I had in mind when I wrote the oneshot in the first place was very different to the one you all want ;P So I decided to write both endings - the one asked for and the one I wanted to write. I hope you all enjoy both of them! ****And yes, I couldn't resist putting Australians in there somewhere ;P**

**(karatekid1018, I don't think I'll be able to write that Klaine prompt you wanted me to :( I'm really sorry)**

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><p><strong>Ending One - Return<strong>

Waiting at the airport was torture in itself. Seeing all the others waiting for people to return, wondering how long until the ones arriving actually got off the plane that had apparently just landed. Jeff looked around and focused on watching the others that were waiting to keep himself from worrying. It kept him occupied as he glanced over the people and tried to figure out who they were waiting for. A woman and young boy were expecting the father to return, Jeff decided. An old man there to pick up his wife. A twenty-something year old woman he guessed was awaiting her partner. That thought brought him back to why he was here now and he bit his lip. He'd been waiting for this moment for so long – seven months now – and now it had finally arrived. Getting the letter telling him when to pick Nick up had been a Godsend and Jeff couldn't believe it. Even standing here now he wasn't quite sure he believed it. Maybe the plane would empty and Nick wouldn't be there. Or maybe he would be there, but he'd be different. For the last seven months he'd been overseas fighting – that had to change someone.

But at that moment Jeff couldn't care less because the first few people were already walking into the building from the plane. He watched eagerly as a man smiled and hugged his wife and son. An old woman embraced her husband. A young couple kissed and laughed and held each other close. More people came and every time Jeff caught a flash of brunette hair his heart would leap, only for it to be dashed a moment later.

And then no one else was coming. Jeff stood there, waiting, hoping. He had to be coming. He had to be there. But no one else walked through the doors to meet him. Jeff clenched his fist, crumpling the letter in his hand in despair. It wasn't fair. They'd probably decided to keep him back longer and Nick hadn't had the chance to tell him. He was waiting here like an idiot for someone who wasn't coming.

Around him, the place was emptying. Jeff closed his eyes and forced himself not to turn around. Not yet. He'd give him another minute or so. It was a false hope but one he clung to. He couldn't leave yet. Maybe he was still coming.

Faintly, he heard slow, shuffling footsteps and he opened his eyes. His heart pounded. A moment later the doors were pushed open and _oh my God, there he is_.

Jeff just stared for a moment. Nick looked exactly the same but different too. It was the same face, the same person but… there was no denying he was different. His hair was cut short, his eyes darker, his smile not quite as happy as it had been. A scar lined his face from his cheekbone to his jaw on the left side. He took a step forward and Jeff clearly saw him limp.

"Hey," Nick smiled.

Jeff didn't hesitate. He dashed forward and almost knocked the other off his feet, wrapping his arms around him and holding him tightly. Nick dropped his bag to the floor and hugged him back just as strongly - neither wanted to ever let go. Nick's voice was choked and quiet when he finally broke the silence between them.

"I told you I'd come back."

Jeff pulled back and looked him in the eyes, his own filled with tears as he smiled and kissed him. Nick pushed him away first to his confusion, shaking his head.

"You don't want this," he said, gesturing vaguely to himself "Not anymore. I'm not the same, Jeff."

"I know," the blonde said quietly "But I didn't wait seven months to walk away now."

"You don't know what happened out there."

"Then you can tell me. In your own time though. When you're ready."

Nick looked at him with sadness, "You haven't even seen all the scars."

Jeff leaned in and gently pressed his lips to the rough edges of the scar on his boyfriend's face before resting their foreheads together. "Marry me."

"What?" Nick pulled back, hands on the blonde's shoulders as he looked over him in confusion.

"I love you, Nick. And that's all there really is to it. I know you've changed – you can't do what you did and not be affected by it – but I want to be there with you to find out who you are now. I want to be the one to help you heal."

Nick smiled slightly and shook his head. "No."

The blonde's heart dropped to the pit of his stomach. "O-Okay then…"

"What I mean is," Nick continued softly "Not yet. I want to give you the chance to find out what I am now before you decide to commit. You may not like what you see."

"My offer will always stand," Jeff smiled and picked up Nick's bag "Now let's go home."

"I like the sound of that."

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><p>Jeff stuck by his boyfriend. Even when he woke from horrifying nightmares, screaming and fighting – Jeff would sit with him and talk to him, soothing and quiet while Nick shook and tried to hold it all together. Even when Nick would react to what used to be everyday noises – slamming doors, arguments from next door, just the word 'mate'. Later, Jeff would be there to hold Nick as he sobbed and told him the stories of the battles he'd been a part of. He told him about the Australian squad they'd worked with on occasion, about the man he'd become friends with, about the roadside attack that had left him wounded, scarred, and four dead, including his Australian friend.<p>

"_God, I can still see him," Nick trembled in Jeff's arms, the blonde whispering soothing words into his hair as he held him close "I can still s-see him. We were talking a-and he just smiled at me and said 'you're a good mate, you know that?' and th-then there was just noise and I couldn't hear anything, and when the d-dust cleared he was just lying there with a six inch p-piece of metal in his head, a-a-and he was dead, and I th-thought I was going to die, I couldn't f-feel my leg, and there was s-so much blood…"_

And then a year after he returned – after a year of pain and guilt and tears and fighting and determination – he finally said yes.


	3. Ending Two  Hero

**This is the second ending, the one I had in mind when I wrote the original oneshot. I actually cried writing this - I'm so depressing. Anyway, I'm not sure if this is correct military-wise. I based it on what little I know of the US and the Australian army. I hope it turned out okay though.**

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><p><strong>Ending Two - Hero<strong>

Seven months now, and Jeff was still waiting. It wasn't as if he was losing hope or anything – he was just scared. They'd been sending each other letters as often as they could but he hadn't heard from Nick in a while. Too long. But there hadn't been any news either. No one had come to his door to tell him Nick was gone. So Jeff held on to what little hope he had left, fighting to keep his life together as he waited for his beautiful brunette soldier to return.

He would always jump when someone knocked at the door. He couldn't help but wonder who was on the other side waiting for him. But every single time it turned out to be a friend, or the woman next door, or the guy wanting his rent. And while he certainly wasn't lulled into any false sense of security, Jeff started to relax a little. Nick was smart. He would do everything he could to survive, no matter what. Jeff knew his boyfriend would fight and that he was strong enough to do whatever was needed. And then he would come home and everything would be alright.

When the knock at the door came, Jeff was too wrapped up in his phone conversation with an old school friend to be afraid. He told his friend to hold on for a moment, wedging the phone between his cheek and shoulder as he fiddled with the lock on the door to open it. When it finally swung open and Jeff saw who was standing on the other side he almost dropped the phone.

"Mr Sterling?" one of the men asked quietly and if the uniform didn't give it away, the tone of his voice did.

"_Jeff?_" his friend's voice on the other end of the line asked curiously "_You still there? What's going on?_"

"I-I'll call you back," he stuttered, hanging up the call and staring at the two men outside his door. One was older, fifty or so, while the other was much younger and looking beaten up. There were cuts across his face and his arm was in a sling across his chest.

"Can we come in?"

"Oh God." Jeff rested his weight against the wall. He let the men walk inside and pushed himself off the wall to show them to the kitchen. "No. No."

As they sat down at the kitchen table, Jeff wasn't sure what was keeping him together. It was so obvious why they were here but it just hadn't managed to sink in yet. He wasn't letting himself believe it. This sort of thing just didn't _happen_…

"I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but Private Nicholas Duval was killed in action last week in a roadside bomb attack," the older man said.

It still wouldn't sink in. That traitorous, awful thought was being rejected by his brain and pushed out. Jeff shook his head and stared down at the table, unbelieving. Nick wasn't dead. He couldn't be. How was he supposed to cope if Nick was gone? He'd barely been holding himself together over the last seven months – there was no way he could keep it together if Nick was dead.

"Can we talk alone for a moment?" the younger man asked his superior quietly. The man shrugged and stood up. The dark-haired soldier waited until the sound of the door closing was heard before he spoke.

"I was there," he said, sounding a lot less formal and more knowledgeable about what Jeff was going through. He spoke quietly and to Jeff rather than staring straight ahead as the older man had done. He talked to him like he was a human being going through something unimaginable. "I'm James. I was in charge of Nick's squad, and I was there when the bomb went off."

"What happened?" Jeff mumbled almost too softly to be heard. But James did hear and he nodded with sadness in his eyes.

"It was completely routine. We were working with an Australian squad in the area, doing some training. We were heading back to base when the bomb went off. I lost track of everyone for a few seconds but when I rounded them all up, checking off injuries, I realised two were missing. When we found them, it turned out that Nick tried to save one of the Australians from shrapnel and glass from the truck. It almost worked too. But the Australian – Harry Mathison, his name was – took some shrapnel to the head and was killed instantly. Nick had some lodged in his chest. We had help on the way but we all knew… he died nearly ten minutes before anyone else got there. There was nothing we could do – and we tried."

He fell silent, running his free hand through his messy hair for a moment as Jeff continued to stare at the table uncomprehendingly. The blonde didn't know what to say. What to do. Nick was dead. It _still_ wasn't sinking in but Jeff knew it would. Soon enough it would hit him and he didn't know what was he going to do when that happened.

"We already talked to his parents, but we didn't know about you," James continued quietly "Just before he died he called me over and he made me swear to find you. He said 'Jeff Sterling. Westerville. Ohio. Make sure you damn well tell him. He's my boyfriend and I don't give a damn what you think about that, but he has to know'."

"I was going to ask him to marry me when he got back," Jeff said suddenly, looking up and staring into James's eyes "Now what am I supposed to do?"

"I don't know," the man replied honestly, standing up "But I can tell you now, he would have said yes. The way he talked about you - his 'partner back home'… He loved you."

"I know."

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><p>He didn't cry. At least, not for a while. It wasn't until the news that night that finally, after everything, that awful traitorous thought slipped in unnoticed and took root.<p>

"_We have lost another of our soldiers this week. Private Nicholas Duval was killed in a roadside bomb attack trying to save the life of an Australian soldier, part of a group his own squad was working with at the time. Private Harry Mathison, the man Duval was attempting to save, was also killed. Those who knew him call him a hero for his efforts and he was well-respected and well-liked by them."_

Jeff didn't hear the rest of the segment. He was curled up on the floor where he'd collapsed, arms around his stomach. He could barely breathe, his body hurting from the violent chest-racking sobs that tore from his throat, choking as tears poured down his face. As the phone began to ring Jeff just lay there, in too much emotional pain to even comprehend his surroundings.

_Jeff? It's me, Imogen from work. Well, you know that… Anyway I… I saw the news. I-I'm sorry. Call me? I'll tell Maria that you won't be in for work for a while. Please, call me. _

_God, I just saw the news. I assume you know, since you're not answering. Jeff, I'm so sorry. I'll give you some space, but I'm coming over tomorrow afternoon. I can't imagine what you're going through, it must be awful… I'm probably not helping, am I? I-I'll be there tomorrow. Oh and uh… it's Jamie. But I guess you figured that…_

_Jeff, it's Hannah. Jesus, are you okay? Stupid question, I know. Jeff, I have no idea what you're going through right now, but I know you won't be coping. You haven't been coping these last few months. I'm going to keep calling you, and if you don't pick up I'm going to come over there and make sure you're okay. Please, just pick up._

_Jeff Sterling? It's… it's Samantha Duval… Nick's mother. That Whitford boy… James, I think… he said he was going to tell you, so I assume you know by now. I know that you never really got to know us, me and Phillip, we only met once and… well, that didn't go so well. But… I was hoping we could talk. Do you think we could meet? I know this must be hard for you… it's painful for us too. But please… it would be… good, I think, if we could talk. Would you call me back?_

Jeff didn't hear any of the messages left for him. And when Hannah got the woman in the next apartment to get his door open the following day they found him in the same place he'd been since the night before. Still curled up but no longer crying.

He didn't have any tears left.

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><p><strong>Please review!<strong>


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